The Story So FarEdit
You are a 30 year old virgin who has recently discovered wizard powers.
On your birthday, a man telepathically communicates with you and your house is broken into by an assassin. Your mother is killed by the assassin. The assassin is the son of Chad Thundercock, the biggest badass in the land.
You meet a strange girl named Jenny who says she can help you with your wizard powers. After ditching her, you go to a park where you meet a father and his 2 daughters. You kill the father, kidnap the daughters, and drive to the home of Vivian Thundercock, the grand daughter of Chad. After kidnapping Vivian, you take her to a Wal Mart where you meet up with Jenny again. Police search your vehicle, forcing you to knock them unconscious and flee with Jenny.
You use your mind powers to get cheaper alcohol and leave with Jenny to the Wizard's Guild headquarters. The HQ is a giant mansion in the woods. Here you meet the Grand Wizard, the man who spoke to you telepathically. He is in a coma, due to a duel with Chad Thundercock a long time ago.
You learn that Chad is a wizard himself, due to telekinetic sex. According to the Grand Wizard, you must sneak your way past an army of assassins at Chad's retirement home. Once you get past the assassins, you must kill him with a knife made from a vampire fang.
To acquire the vampire fang, you and Jenny visit the farm of a man named Benny. Benny takes you to his barn, where he lets vampires live. The vampires kill Benny and attack you, forcing you to burn down the barn. You take Malaki's fangs and go into Benny's house.
In Benny's bedroom, you have just discovered that he has turned his daughter, Megan, into a vampire.